I'm not addicted to the drugs, I'm addicted to the glamour

It's amazing how the last few days were truly put into perspective.
I haven't been able to sleep. but I feel like it's taking the edge off my oh so harsh self, like a soothing medication that I can't seem to control, just all alone. I love the way I feel when my mind is clear and my thoughts are so calm they just seem to drift in and out of my conscious state.
I think that this was for the best in the end, that I already knew, deep in my gut, this wont work out. Just, something finally possessed me and told me the right thing to do, and now, it doesn't hurt as much as I thought it would. Sure, at first I wanted to break down, but I'm too harsh on myself to let a silly little thing like heart break keep me away. I thought about rebounding, but I just know it'd be even more heart break in the end that I couldn't spare. I couldn't afford, on my nickel and dime tactics, to stretch the hole, into three, so instead I'll just patching things up and keep stitching my own quilt.
If I could say one thing to you honey, it would be to try harder. At everything, not all of the best and worse will fall into your lap, so you have to try to get the shit, but you have to try even harder to get the gold, aka Phelps.
~sigh
I think I learned too much from finally watching Party Monster. "I'm not addicted to the drugs...I'm addicted to the glamor."
I wasn't addicted to your love, I was addicted to the way that I knew you were always there.
I am, my own monster, a worthless breath, and a single thread, only woven into a set of shoes to big to fill.
'All you need is love.'
I love everyone, but the question is, will I find anyone I could ever be in love with? I'm the opposite of you, Mr. Unattainable man, in the sense that I don't wear my heart on my sleeve. The truth is, I won't let myself fall in love because, all I've heard is the negative. Nothing positive comes out of love, and when you realize that you love this person, and they for sure are with you for eternity, it's the rest of their breaths that take it away. Nothing in this life is guaranteed except death.
So why not get my money back guarantee?